Since reading Sandberg's thoughts on leadership among women, I have begun to see my work interactions differently. It is refreshing to see certain things put into print that I could never admit to myself. For example, no one would bat an eye if I brought coffee or doughnuts to a meeting. But if a male did it, it was a big deal.
I even look at the Harry Potter films differently. Why does Hermione get shut down by her professors for being a know-it-all, with regularity? As a person voted Biggest Kiss-Up in high school, I cringe at some of the comments that I endured when I raised my hand one time too many. How many young women have learned not to keep their hands up?
Back to the book:
Some of the findings posited in Sandberg's book, taken from McKinsey studies and other go-to factsheets, are quite interesting. Below is a small sample of points, by no means exhaustive.
1) Both men and women expect women to be more empathetic and accommodating than men (putting more demands on women's time than on men)
2) Men face uncomfortable connotations when sponsoring young women.
3) Men are hired based on potential, whereas women are hired based on past accomplishments.
4) Women who are viewed as less likeable, are also hampered in their efforts to be successful. Women who are successful, are viewed as more selfish, and therefore are less likeable. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
I am not going to debate whether the science behind these studies is rigorous enough to extrapolate these findings to the general population, i.e., whether or not these findings are empirically true. I am not a social scientist. I am, however, inspired by the dedication and courage that it took for Sandberg to speak at length about a difficult topic. Too often, discussion about gender disparity in leadership feels like pointing fingers. Sandberg points out the discomfort and even mockery that the term "feminism" elicits. Sandberg makes clear that it's okay to be a feminist, and that it's okay to think about the real challenges to cultivating female leadership that exist simply because we are still discovering and trying to work out these challenges.
For example, I thought I knew that pregnancy had an impact on work life. But I had not heard of pregnancy parking before reading this book. I had not even thought of it. Thinking of the real drill that is morning sickness, it makes perfect sense to me to allow pregnant women spots near the entrance of the office. One of the problems that Sandberg discusses is "tiara syndrome", where women believe that by keeping their heads down and working hard, they will get the tiara that they believe that they deserve.
The tiara syndrome is particularly alarming to me, because it suggests that women are also preparing for a predetermined reward that is imaginary and inadequate. Keeping your head down means that you're not even looking around for the things that might really be needed, like pregnancy parking. Keeping your head down means that you're not bringing things to the table that are missing.
I would recommend this book to professionals trying to establish lives that they love, and not just female readers. Sandberg wisely addresses the hidden male equation of workplace equality, pointing out that men want their sisters, wives, and colleagues to be able to sit at the table. Moreover, any work that salutes men for stepping up in family and child-raising duties is a welcome addition.
I enjoyed Sandberg's empathetic talk, easily digestible statistics, and sensitive approach to personal growth for both women and men. I would recommend it to new graduates (both male and female), in particular, who can bring a fresh perspective to their own workplaces.
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